Hypothesis #118: Welcome To the Mall... Choose wisely

In recent trips to the Westfield Shopping Center, known on the streets as the "mall", I have inadvertently stumbled upon a secret... a governing law of the universe if you will. There are powers at work that I was not previously aware of, but now what was hidden will soon be revealed.

So here is my theory...

In the dating realm, one of the most time consuming parts is finding the guy or girl that is "your type." How often do you hear people say, "He's not my type..." "She's not really what I'm looking for in a girl..." So most people rely on their friends or relatives for recommendations. They get set up on dates with guys that other people say would be a good match. But what do "they" know? I have discovered a loop-hole. A short-cut in the space/time continuum of life, so to speak. A time machine, an on-line dating service, liquor and nudists. None of these time honored traditions. It's the Mall.

Call it "Shopping for the perfect girl/guy." Here is the premise. I believe in the phrase "the clothes make the man" so let's go right to the source. No more wondering "Is this person my type?" You can tell a lot about someone by the clothes they wear and subsequently where they shop. So lets break it down. If you are looking for someone who...

Cares about physical appearance, is at least slightly high-maintenance, trendy, middle to upper-middle class, orders tequila mixers, has a razor phone, and works at a job with a level of professionalism...
These people shop at Express.
Their favorite song is Drop It Like It's Hot.

Is high school jail-bate, spends their parent's money (and lots of it), buys whole albums to listen to one song, has surfer hair, orders yager bombs, has a skate board just to carry around, and doesn't have a job because they "don't want to work fast food."
These people shop at Hollister.
Their favorite song is the Cha-Cha Slide.

Is into independent rock bands, would be described as "different" or "artsy", most likely has a special diet (ie vegan, vegetarian, organic), like Zach Braff, cynical about life and pop-culture while consuming both, shops at IKEA, and do things and wear things that other people think "are cool... but I would never do that/wear that."
These people shop at H&M.
Their favorite song is anything by the Postal Service or Snow Patrol.

Has a summer condo = Banana Republic
Has a boat = Eddie Baur
Any guy, or she already has a boy friend = EB Games
Is a divorced mom with highlights = Forever 21
Skinny people wearing sandals = Gap
Frat Boys and Girl's Basketball players = Aeropostle
People that look good in plaid and flanel = American Eagle
Ghetto Booty = Dress Barn/Lane Bryant

You get the point. So what do your shopping choices say about you?