I must admit, I have been floundering in the blogging world ever since I have been in a serious relationship. Mostly because my blog used to be filled with my awkward experiences with the opposite sex. Not that they have stopped, but since I'm married most of the awkwardness is centered around my marriage. I didn't know if it was smart to blog about that, or if it would get me beaten at home. I have since procured permission from my wife, so welcome to my awkward marital adjustments. I will be keeping you updated...
Rules of the Bedroom.
Never before has there been so much ritual and so much energy put into falling asleep. When I was a bachelor I would simply stay up as late as my body would function and then collapse into my bed only taking up seven inches at the very edge of my queen sized bed. Since being married this process has become much more complicated.
Rule 1. We must go to bed together at least four out of the three nights a week. Gone are the days of going to bed when I was too tired to stay up. Going to bed when she is already been asleep is not going to cut it.
Rule 2. The bed must be made every morning. She has an OCD reflex that she cannot sleep in a bed unless it has been made. So if it is not made; she will make it, look at it made, then dismantle it and get in.
Rule 3. If a nap is taken during the day, it must be on top of the covers. We don't sleep under the covers during the day. You just lay on top of the bed with a separate blanket.
Rule 4. Once we are in bed there must be a significant amount of "snuggle time". Which is to say that I must hold her for no less then ten minutes and no more than twenty-five as she gets too hot.
Rule 5. Under no circumstances may I break contact before she does. When she is done with snuggling she will roll over. If I roll over before she is done, she takes it as rejection and the next day is not a happy one for me. If I happen to forget and roll over we have to discover the "reason I am mad at her" whether it really exists or not. Some times that "not happy day" begins immediately.
Rule 6. Even after she stops cuddling, some part of my body must be touching her until she is actually asleep. This usually is some part of my leg. So the resulting sleeping position is me occupying my seven inches on the edge with one leg backward extended over a gap of two and a half feet.
Rule 7. Saturdays are special sleep in and cuddle days. So when I wake at 8 a.m. like normal. I must not get up. I must wait until she is awake then cuddle for no less than twenty-five minutes.
... More rules to follow if we have pets or children.
Adjustment #1
Our 50 year aniversary.
It never ceases to amaze me, the questions people ask you when you are newly married are almost always uncomfortable. I'm not quite sure why this phenomenon occurs. Maybe it is nostalgia temporarily overriding your internal propriety sensor or just honest curiosity to see how everyone it different. But almost weekly someone, under the premise of making small talk, will ask me about my 5 month old marriage or my new wife. (Still Charissa)
My favorite is of course "So... how is married life so far?" they say with a smirk. My pat answer has become "It's an adjustment." At that point the women get teary-eyed and the men lower their heads and their broken spirits and say "Yeah... yeah it is."
Some of my other favorites include the following which are asked while my wife is present:
"So what are the annoying things you didn't expect?" -- Is this a trick?
"So is everything going okay with... you know... if you have any questions..." -- Oh we'll right now I'm working on getting to 2nd base. Keep your fingers crossed.
"Isn't marriage wonderful?" -- More wonderful than chocolate, but not as much as the Wizard of OZ.
"So are you young people doing something romantic this week?" -- Yes, Charissa is going to spend two steamy days at school, get away for a little while at StuCo and I'm going to spend four amazing days... leveling my Paladin by candlelight.
"What has been most difficult to adjust to." -- You mean with this perfect, amazing women STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO ME!?!
Seriously, we have been married just a little longer than it takes to grow a Chia Pet. Although depending on the day it feels like I've been in love and married to Char for...ever. I'm sure we have plenty of time.
Beware... This post is Stimulating.
Start the parade line up, stimulus checks are coming! To brave this economic crisis the government is going to give me a check to help me pay off my debt or give back to the economy by spending my stimulus check on more stuff I don't need.
The only problem with this master plan is that I have no debt and further more I don't need anymore stuff. I don't blame the government for this oversight, how could they know of my fiscal responsibility and contentment? I just feel a little guilty about taking it. Probably not guilty enough to send it back, but I will lose at least one full half hour of sleep when I figure out what I'm going to do with said stimulus check. Here are some ideas...
Put it in Savings. (boring)
Buy a monkey and then watch old episodes of Friends when Ross had a monkey. My monkey's name will be Antonio.
Finish buying the complete seasons of Scrubs.
Make a down payment on a motorcycle.
Finally replace the light bulb that is out in my garage door opener. (that has been out for 6 months)
Go on vacation. (Who wants Luc to visit?)
In reality I will most likely give this money to pay for my wife's schooling, which will not stimulate the economy, but I might find stimulating ways for her to earn the money... like making me a sandwich. What are you going to stimulate?