Adjustment #1

I must admit, I have been floundering in the blogging world ever since I have been in a serious relationship. Mostly because my blog used to be filled with my awkward experiences with the opposite sex. Not that they have stopped, but since I'm married most of the awkwardness is centered around my marriage. I didn't know if it was smart to blog about that, or if it would get me beaten at home. I have since procured permission from my wife, so welcome to my awkward marital adjustments. I will be keeping you updated...

Rules of the Bedroom.

Never before has there been so much ritual and so much energy put into falling asleep. When I was a bachelor I would simply stay up as late as my body would function and then collapse into my bed only taking up seven inches at the very edge of my queen sized bed. Since being married this process has become much more complicated.

Rule 1. We must go to bed together at least four out of the three nights a week. Gone are the days of going to bed when I was too tired to stay up. Going to bed when she is already been asleep is not going to cut it.

Rule 2. The bed must be made every morning. She has an OCD reflex that she cannot sleep in a bed unless it has been made. So if it is not made; she will make it, look at it made, then dismantle it and get in.

Rule 3. If a nap is taken during the day, it must be on top of the covers. We don't sleep under the covers during the day. You just lay on top of the bed with a separate blanket.

Rule 4. Once we are in bed there must be a significant amount of "snuggle time". Which is to say that I must hold her for no less then ten minutes and no more than twenty-five as she gets too hot.

Rule 5. Under no circumstances may I break contact before she does. When she is done with snuggling she will roll over. If I roll over before she is done, she takes it as rejection and the next day is not a happy one for me. If I happen to forget and roll over we have to discover the "reason I am mad at her" whether it really exists or not. Some times that "not happy day" begins immediately.

Rule 6. Even after she stops cuddling, some part of my body must be touching her until she is actually asleep. This usually is some part of my leg. So the resulting sleeping position is me occupying my seven inches on the edge with one leg backward extended over a gap of two and a half feet.

Rule 7. Saturdays are special sleep in and cuddle days. So when I wake at 8 a.m. like normal. I must not get up. I must wait until she is awake then cuddle for no less than twenty-five minutes.

... More rules to follow if we have pets or children.