Last weekend, when I wasn't thinking about the theological implications of living in a world without certain candy (the evil we do not speak of) I was busy attending a party.
If one were to visit my Photo Blog entitled "Picture Pages", not only could you enjoy the nostalgia of the Bill Cosby reference, but you could see the visual representation of said party. It was... for lack of a better word... awesome sauce.
I haven't seen my friends Tristan, Crossman, Becky, and Ashlie in quite awhile. So I got the word and we all decided to converge on Ashlie's apartment in Chicago. There were supposed to be about 11 people at the dinner party. But as fate would have it. Ashlie got a phone call that afternoon. Her cousin's husband Jeff (being a campus minister) and his friend Steve (being a college age minister) were on a road trip and happened to be in the area. They were taking a "pre-roadtrip roadtrip." This means that they normally take kids on a Spring Break Mystery Roadtrip and they were now scouting out stuff to do on this trip. So their travels brought them to Chi Town. So randomly they called Ashlie to see if they could crash at her place. They could and they did.
Steven and Jeff were kindred spirits. Jeff was a cool guy and Steve can only be described (to LCC people) as the product of Benji Maur and Bob Kudavali having a child. This being a wonder of it's own. Both Jeff and Steve have special places in my heart now. We all had dinner, all 13 of us, and then played some outrageous Taboo and Tetris Attack. It was a great time and I'm sure Ashlie's neighbors would have yelled at us to keep it down if they were less chill.
The crazy thing is that Jeff and Steve left dinner to scalp tickets to the Bulls game and I believe they got in. I was never given a strait answer, but I'm going to tell the story as I think it happened.
Jeff and Steve went to the United Center to try and get tickets to that night's game. Being that they are from Florida, they are an hour ahead of us. So, they arrived at the game at half-time, making tickets dirt cheap. They watched the second half of the game and returned to Ashlie's for the night. The next morning, they decided that they wanted to go see "Wicked" the stage production. I reminded them that tickets were sold-out until the end of time, but they were not deterred. There is a lottery an hour before each showing. They reserve 20 seats and have a drawing for them. So sure enough, just to drive home the point that I am, in fact, the ONLY person that has not seen Wicked, they won tickets. Not just that. They went to the early show and Steve won one ticket. This did them no go and they sold the ticket to someone else, went to lunch on the money and then reentered for the afternoon show. Steve again won. Two tickets for the lucky guys from Florida.
The rest of us couldn't believe it. There were other events that weekend involving curry, someone jumping off a balcony drunk, getting punched in the temple, and me whipping the crap out of a bowl of tiramisu. But it is neither the time nor the place to discuss such things.
Meanwhile, back from Candyland.
Lewis, It's corn... that tastes like candy.
I'm Pretty sure that every holiday has it's own assigned candy from Hell.
Easter = Peeps
July 4th = Super Bubble and most other candy picked off the parade route
Halloween = Popcorn Balls
Thanksgiving = Candy Corn
Christmas = Homemade Rock Candy
And of coarse, we counter this array of terrible treats with candy made with love and excellence like Hershey's Caramel Eggs, Starburst Jellybeans, fudge, and anything and everything "fun size."
But it seems clear to me that Valentine's Day (Singles Awareness Day) got the shaft when it comes to candy. There is nothing like opening a cool valentine and reading "I Scooby Do have a crush on you," but then out comes two pieces of multicolored chalk. One says, "I heart you" and they other says, "Lookin Good." You expect me to eat that?
Valentine's Day candy hearts (no matter how witty) are just dressed up Tums. And you need those antacids of adoration to keep you from vomiting after you eat the box of Red Hots that you got. Really, Red Hots are a masochistic candy made by parents, hoping that if kids eat them that their mouths will burn so badly they won't be able to kiss their sweetheart.
So my question is...
If you could rid the world of one holiday candy, which would it be?
Don't Say Crap Like That To Me
Like I didn't have enough to stress out about. Mom and Dad were leaving to go to Colorado and ski Breckenridge. So not only were Jake and I to fulfill our regular duties, but everyone was covering for everyone else. So as I'm going over my message Saturday Evening and hoping I don't botch the baby dedication, I get a phone call from my Mom. "So, am I going to see your face before I leave for Colorado?" That was a little strange to put it that way, but okay. Yeah just come to the church on your way home from the mall. I'll be here.
So Dad and Mom come and talk about how Mom just bought four pairs of pajamas for vacation. (She doesn't ski) She's just going to go to the spa and read in her P.J.'s. And just in passing Dad says, "Oh, by the way let me show you this... in this drawer in my office is all our papers in case something happens to us, you're going to need to know where this is."
Mom adds, "Yeah, and make sure you tell your brother we forgive him. He is blaming us for his drinking now. Tell him we love him. And don't worry about anything, I left you quite a bit of insurance."
They hug me, my Dad says something about wishes I could be snowboarding with him. I don't really hear him... ... ... ... What the F!?!
I'm glad that they're cool with dying in some awful plane crash, they have had good lives and they are definitely ready to meet Jesus, but I'm not ready for that. I had nightmares last night about their funeral. Who says stuff like that before they go on vacation?
So in the midst of all that is on my mind, I say a prayer and preach. Sunday is awesome. The praise team is incredible, the Spirit moved, people worshiped, two ladies came forward. One is getting baptized this coming Sunday, and there was only one spelling error in the slides (A miracle). Now if I can just get my parents home safe, this experiment called "vacation" will be a success.
You want me to do what!?!
Well... I suppose it was only a matter of time. Allow me to set the stage.
Historical Background:
My parents and two other couples are leaving this Sunday for Colorado. That's right. I spend years trying to convince my Dad to go skiing. Now, he loves it and he is headed to Breckenridge and leaving me here to mind the shop. So, I get to preach this Sunday. It just so happens to be "Sanctity of Human Life Sunday." Which means that my sermon will cover such topics as: Abortion, Euthanasia, Terri Schiavo, etc. Thanks Dad.
But that's not all:
Not only will this be my first time preaching on "SHL Sunday", but it will be my first baby dedication.
Stan: Hey, you need to add a baby dedication to the order of service.
Lucas: You want me to do what?
Stan: A baby dedication.
Lucas: This Sunday.
Stan: Yes.
Lucas: You won't be here. I'd have to do it.
Stan: I know.
Lucas: Do the parents know?
Stan: I explained it.
Lucas: And they don't want to wait a week?
Stan: No, it's the babies one year birth day.
Lucas: Babies?
Stan: Twins.
I have a chronic fear of holding babies. I haven't done it much, so I'm always afraid that I'm going to hold it wrong or drop it. So I almost had a panic attack that I would have to hold twins at the same time and offer a blessing on them. But thankfully, they are turning one year old. So I won't be holding them. The parents will hold them and I will lay hands on the parents. But this will be my first baby dedication. I think I'm more nervous about that than preaching on controversial issues. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm excited.
A Thrilling Tale About Overcoming All Odds...
I wasn't always the confident, swaggering, ego that you see before you today. There was a time in my life that I couldn't communicate well enough to get my team to say Five Words in under two minutes by only speaking five words to them (In your face Bre). In point of fact, it used to be really hard for me just to speak five words in under two minutes. I had a speech impediment.
My mom used to tell me that I couldn't speak for the first five years of my life, so I was making up for it the rest of the time. When I was little I used to stutter. It isn't exactly what you think of normally when you hear that some one s-s-s-stutters. I could say my S's and my P's. But I would talk disjointed and in fragments. Half sentences, one or two random words, and broken ideas... It was so frustrating to talk to people that most of the time I just didn't.
I ended up having to go to a doctor. My parents were starting to worry at this point that I was like savant or something. The doctor told my parents it was a good news, bad news thing. The good news was that I was exceptionally bright for my age. I was very alert of my environment and had good cognitive skills, but I thought so fast that my mouth couldn't keep up with my brain. So I would start a sentence and in my head say three. So the sentence would be, "Mom can I... because the cat has darker fur." But in my head I had said a whole paragraph. And if I tried to correct it I would end up just starting the sentence over and over because I would get lost. I was having all these new thoughts and emotions and having them so fast I couldn't articulate them.
The way to fix it was probably more embarrassing than stuttering. I had to speak very very slowly and simply. I worked with a doctor once a week with flash cards and toys like the weird movies where the kids were government experiments or possessed by aliens. The office had the mirror window and everything, so my parents and the CIA could watch the progress. At home I would go to my Mom and she would stop me and say, "Okay Luc, think about it, and tell me what you want to say." So that was suppose to be a reminder for me to complete the thought in my head and then go over it again and say it slowly in the most simple words I could find. So now instead of being disjointed, I appeared "Slow". I began to speed things up eventually.
Now I talk all the time. But I can't say that the "think before you speak" thing ever stuck.
(This post inspired by PostSecret.com) Pictured left.