Just like your Father...

It's funny what can turn your world upside-down.

The 70's were a strange time, but even stranger is the tale I'm going to tell. My father went to Lincoln Christian College to study to be a minister when he was 18. My mother as well, attended LCC... her major was "undeclared." My mother was of coarse a socialite on campus while my dad lived a disciplined life of study and playing on the basketball team (he was an All-American). As chance happened, one night during one of my Dad's ball games, he noticed my mom in the stands. He was actually playing in the game, so he waited till he got benched and asked one of his friends (the team water boy) to go and ask my mom if she would like to go out after the game.

Her reply was, "He can come ask me himself." So after the game was over, my dad humbly walked over and asked her in front of most of the people still in the stands if she would like to go out that night. Her reply (after she made him come and ask her himself) was, "No... I have plans tonight... but I would like you to ask me again some other night." Thus, was the beginning of my father's frustrations.

Trust me when I say that she made him chase her, but once she was caught... as much as my free-spirited mother could be... she actually left college to get a full-time job to support my Dad in school as he pursued his career in the ministry. She has since worked as a legal secretary, while being a house wife, and raising two rather unusual boys.

(Fast Forward 30 years)

My father's world has been turned upside down. My mother just got a job (no college degree) as the Vice-President C.O.O. of a company. She now makes, what is to our family, an obscene amount of money. She works longer hours and has almost given up fixing meals... except on holidays. My dad's not taking this very well. For 30 years he has gone to hospitals, counseling appointments, funerals, and other various job related things and mom has waited at home for him with the kids. But the kids are grown now. Mom isn't waiting when Dad gets home. Sometimes she doesn't get home till late.

This changes who my Dad is. He is not the bread winner. He is not the person with the most important job. She doesn't "need" him anymore. She has something to be excited about that is not church (Dad's job) and not her family (Dad). These are things that are the fundamental make-ups of what Dad views as being a father and a good husband. Because my mom has a new job, my dad's whole role has changed. He doesn't know who he is. He's lonely, jealous, and a little bitter. He is starting to adjust, because he loves my mother... and love means you stay and work it out. It is just painful to watch, because my father is a great father and a good husband. He just doesn't realize yet that he is a great father and husband for all the things he is and not all the things he does.

What will it be in 30 years that turns my world upside-down?

What will I chose for a measuring stick to determine if I'm a good father or a good husband?

I turn 24 tomorrow. I always thought I would be a husband if not a father by now.

I'm just getting used to the idea of being an uncle.