No... It's Spelled F-L-U-X Capacitor

How do you feel about who you've become?

I don't mean who you are... I mean how do you feel about who you have become? How does it compare? How do you feel about the difference between (you) now and (you) then?

A lot of times we feel complacent or disappointed about who we are: I'm too fat, I don't like my hair, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not smart enough, etc, etc, etc. But it's funny to me, that as most of us at times don't like who we are or where we are, we are usually pleased with the comparison to who we were. How about you? Would you want to go back? Did you like who you were better?

There have been seasons in my life of joy, sorrow, melancholy, unadulterated ecstasy, overwhelming depression, and undeniable goofiness (and I'm not even bi-polar). I've seen the rise and fall of 5 and 1/2 girlfriends, the coming and going of countless friends, and the near breaking of my heart at the hands of those I trusted. But was it worth it?

I think about it sometimes. Who would I be? What would I be doing? Did I waste my heart on dating, or did it make me better at relationships? Was it worth it? Would I have traded the good to avoid the bad? Have my experiences in ministry helped me to be better or worse? I think I'm certainly less naive. But am I jaded? Could I have learned the same lessons with out the pain? Is the fact that I don't keep up with everyone I've hung out with or befriended make our friendship void and a waste of time? Did it shape me? Would I want to go back and be the man I was two, three, six years ago?

I think about the guy I used to be. I miss him sometimes. But I don't know if I would want to be him. I think about the guys I could have been...