Just a heads up. If you ever use the word "heart" as a verb, we can't be friends. Just so we're clear... this is the case where some Jr. High prepubescent girl says, "oh... I heart those shoes." So if you are above the age of 13 and you use "heart" in this manner, we can't be friends. This also goes for actually saying out loud any kind of IM/Internet speak. In fact, if you ever look at me after I tell a joke and say "lol man" I will slap you.... I'm not kidding. I won't punch you, because only grown men should be punched. And if you say "lol" you must be a girl or a robot..
Are you a robot?
STFU
Clearly, this is "Nacho" (Not your) day
Right now I am so furious that you know what I am going to do?!? NOTHING!!
I stopped by Taco Bell on my way home. We have one of the those KFC, Taco Bell Hybrids. And by hybrid I mean that it has an incomplete menu from both restaurants and everything tastes like fried chicken. The past three times I have gone to this Taco Bell my order has never been right. And it is always the same girl... Laura. She is evil.
She is this girl that looks like she is about sixteen. She is tanned beyond all recognition. And for some unknown reason her lips are the same color as her skin and it looks freakish. She walks around with this dull look on her face like she is too bored with life or she has been smoking pot.
The past three times I have gone through the drive-up she has been there. Like a super villain ready to thwart me. For a month now I have been trying to eat a "steak grilled stuffed burrito combo." This particular combo pairs a steak grilled stuffed burrito with a regular order of nachos and is accented by a large drink of your choice. The three times I have ordered it the results were:
1. A CHICKEN taco supreme and nacho supreme with medium drink.
2. A BEEF grilled stuffed burrito and nachos with a large drink.
(I even double checked it at the window because I knew the price was too cheap. "Are you SURE that it is steak?" "oh yeah, it is."
3. And finally today I received a regular crunchy steak taco, and a BEAN burrito supreme with no nachos!!!! The REALLY STUPID thing is that I looked at the receipt and it says Supreme steak taco and they gave me a regular one. THEY SCREWED UP THE ORDER THAT WAS WRONG!!! And right there at the top of the receipt is the name "Laura."
I was so dumbfounded, I thought of going inside, but was afraid of what they would do next. So I took my food home and bit into the bean burrito and it was COLD ON THE INSIDE.
I'M BEING TAUNTED BY THE SPAWN OF SATAN... LAURA!!!!!!
I will never again visit the drive-thru of this Taco Bell. Because I know that given these past experiences, Laura will be working at Taco Bell for the rest of her life, or until she tans herself to death. Therefore, never again will my order be safe at this establishment.
Lent
The experiment has failed, but I count it a success. I had decided that I was going to give up red meat and pop (soda) for lent. So I started by going Monday and just having one can of pop. Then Tuesday I had half a can. Yesterday and today, I had none. Let me share with you some things I have learned.
1. I drank a lot of green tea (with citrus) as a substitute beverage. No one told me it was a diuretic. Today I suddenly (and I'm sure you know what I mean) had to poop. In one swift bowel movement I cleansed my system. I can't tell you what it feels like to be alarmed at the size and amount of the bowel moment you just had.
2. I am not fun without chemical stimulation. I feel like "fun Bobby" on friends. Who wasn't fun unless he was drinking. After the caffeine was out of my system I became lethargic and unfocused.
3. Today, I entered a state of chemical withdrawal. Which combined with stress at work and other crappy things this week, has launched me into a state of melancholy, and mild depression.
4. I went to bed early and got up late.
5. During the brief periods that I was lucid, I felt very healthy. I believe I have flushed a lot of crap out of my system.
I am drinking a McDonald's Coke right now.
I am done with this experiment. It was short lived, but effective. I am cutting back my pop (soda) intake permanently.
Man you got to really want it
I am just overwhelmed sometimes with the effort it takes to be apart of the blogging community. Just yesterday I tried to comment on a friend's blog and couldn't do it. With added security to screen for the random visitor or the spammer, to comment I have to log-in (now blogger requires your whole e-mail), enter my password, and try to decipher the security "word". And let's be honest. It is never really a word. It is always a random assortment of letters that is pure gibberish and is in a font so weird that you can't tell the difference between I's and L's or V's and U's or g's and q's. So yesterday I tried to comment three times and I couldn't decipher the security word. I just gave up. And the comments remained zero.
I would like you all to take a quick look at my comments. They are haloscan comments and not blogger comments. I have no spam, no log-in, no security word. It is easy as pie to comment on my blog and I never get unwanted comments. Or if I do, I just delete them.
If you would like to live footloose and fancy free, go to www.haloscan.com and follow the instructions. Five minutes of your life will save me more time than you could imagine. And then I won't have to kill you.
Just to clarify my sanity
I just want to put this out there.
Under the Category:
THINGS THAT DON'T REALLY MATTER
Who is the next American Idol going to be?
- do you really care about who the fifth person off the bench is?
Who won a Grammy?
- like this has anything to do with talent...
Who won an Academy Award?
- it doesn't matter you've never seen the movie that wins.
- nor is it any good.
Under the Category:
VALENTINES DAY
No Sprint, I'm quite certain the most romantic thing you can do is NOT getting your girlfriend a red razor and locking her into a 2 year joint cell phone plan... nothing says "I love you" like a short leash.
Under the Category:
ANNA NICHOLE SMITH
How did she die?
-Really? You don't know how a drug abusing alcoholic, who advertises for a diet pill company just collapses and dies? I wonder what the cause was?
Who will get her daughter?
- Maybe if you payed more attention to what is happening to your kid, than what is happening to Anna's there would be less drug abusing alcoholics, who suddenly die.
Under the Category:
TIM HARDAWAY
- When did freedom of speech begin to mean that you can say anything you want as long as it is what everyone else wants to hear?
- I don't hate gay people, but I can't stand the preaching of tolerance by the homosexual community when they have no intention of tolerating anyone who disagrees with them.
Pope Pious Maximus Timothy XIX
Despite the fact that I am not catholic,
I am thinking of giving up meat for lent.
Discuss.
Jumping, Jumping, Jumping
So now that it has dropped below 10 degrees I feel like I can finally blog about some winter things.
Jumping
I don't wear pajamas. My bedroom is above the unheated garage. My room is 40 degrees. Well, not really, but at 7:30 AM doesn't every room feel like it is 40 degrees. Well my room actually is... no that really happened. Every morning I snap awake in a panic. I wake up fifteen minutes before my alarm goes off (my body has trained itself to do this because my alarm clock is so loud it gives me a heart attack, so my body over compensates by giving me a heart attack before my alarm goes off) and I wake up in such a panic that my first thoughts are, "I'm panicking. I must have over slept." But even in the presence of that misinformation, I am reluctant to leave my bed. Not that I'm tired, but my nearly naked body will have to jump from my warm bed through the icy tundra of my room to the warmth of my shower, then jump from my shower across the freezing tile floor to get my towel, jumping back into the steam residue of the shower to dry off, jumping back through my room fast enough to grab some clothes so I can get dressed in the hall where my wet body won't drop into hypothermia, so I can jump into my cold car and come to work.
There are too many temperature changes for me in the morning. I don't even want to start my day, because of the giant degree swings that await me.
Jumping
I went snowboarding with my Dad on Tuesday. It took awhile to get used to my new board. It is faster and longer. But by the end of the day I was trying out jumps and grinding rails. To all those who don't know: longer board = harder to control. I fell on a six foot long, one foot wide metal bar.
Man I love this sport.
Jumping
I wish I had a clapper.
Call me crazy, but I feel like the world is backwards. The town home I currently reside in has a whole lot of switches in it... not light switches, but switches nonetheless. When I first moved in I noticed there was a switch on the wall of my bedroom just to the right when you enter the door. Exactly where a light switch should be in a bedroom. But you could flip this switch all day long and nothing would happen, because it isn't connected to a light, it is connected to an outlet. In fact, there are many switches in my house that are not connected to lights, they are connected to outlets. This is more annoying than having a scratch on the roof of your mouth.
I know the theory behind it. No permanent light fixtures means more versatility, but for goodness sake the outlet switch is so annoying. The switch always seems to go to an outlet that is in the middle of a wall, somewhere you would not put a light, a lamp, or anything that you could turn on with a switch. Instead, it ends up being where you need to plug in a clock, which of course you are not going to, because every time you enter the room you flip the switch out of habit resetting your clock.
In my bedroom, I have three lamps THREE IN ONE BEDROOM. It is still the most poorly lit room in the whole house. If I had just one light fixture in the middle of the ceiling I could light the whole room. And all my lamps just so happen to be in the best places to put lamps in that room, but as fate would have it, none of those outlets are controlled by the switch on the wall. So the switch on the wall becomes nothing more than a memorial to a more functional age, when houses actually were lit and a simpler time when I didn't have to walk across a dark room to manually turn on a lamp, when there is actually wiring in the wall for a light switch.
I'm saying, if you want to go the route of the outlet switch, there should be a control panel that has small buttons that correspond with each outlet in the room. Now that would be something. Then every outlet is a possibility for light, or have one switch that you could just unscrew the top panel and have a dial that allows you to choose which outlet you want to control. It just seems to me futile to use a switch for outlets instead of fixtures in the name of versatility, when in reality it not only limits you to ground lamp lighting, but only in certain places in the room, and limits the controllable outlets to not being fully functional. And there are subdivisions full of these fixtureless houses.
If I bought a house, or built my own house it would be really important to me that the light switches made sense not only in placement, but I can't stand when there is a double switch and one is up and the other down... and there is no way to make them the same. I feel like that is just poor construction.
One of These Things Is Not Like The Other (Some random Thoughts)
I was pondering this...
Recently there have been some high profile deaths. Gerald Ford, , Peter Boyle, Saddam Hussein, and James Brown. (Although I would like to take this time to voice my conspiracy theory that Saddam is still alive.) However, I am certain that James Brown is dead. In light of Martin Luther King Jr. Day and the approaching Black History month... I am curious... as James brown is or was an icon of soul music and the black community, how do you go about respectfully observing a remembrance of a soul singer, especially one as... uh... charismatic as James Brown? Will someday the banks close to remember the passing of Justin Timberlake in rememberance of the man who single handedly brought sexy back?
Listen Up...
New Podcast on Itunes soon.
Did you know...
... that it is National Fig Newton Day. Have one in celebration.