Dear People (the magazine)

Dear People Magazine,  I'm just writing to let you know that we get it.  All of us.  Every last single person on this planet understands the facts.  Once upon a time Brad Pit married Jennifer Aniston.  Then they got divorced.  Now he is with Angelina Jolie.  Jennifer and Angelina don't like each other.  Consider us brought up to date.  Given the fact that it all happened over five years ago and you are STILL WRITING ABOUT IT.

No joke.  I was buying groceries this week when I noticed the headline "Jennifer and Angeline Update".  I think it was the first time in my life that I gasped out loud at a headline on a magazine rack.  Not because the news of it was shocking, but once my brain processed the possibility that there might still be a single human being out there that cares about "Bradgelina," it shook me to my core.  In fact, I have it on good authority that every lonely soccer mom and thirteen year old girl is arguing with their token gay friend about whether Bella should have puppies with Jacob or emo children with hairy belly buttons with Edward.  (Don't pretend like I'm the only one that threw up a little when he opened his shirt.) 

If you are a student of journalism and you are wondering how much information is too much information I present you with "Bradgelina".  All of the drama in this particular love triangle happened in the year 2005.  To put that in perspective, 2005 saw the trial of Saddam, the distruction of Katrina, and it was one year after the hit show Friends ended.  But here we are, five years later allowing publications to lead with that headline.  I don't feel like I'm out of line saying "You've got to be stupid if you are still talking about this. MOVE ON!"  It would be like if tommorrow USA Today led with the front page headline "Obama... Still President".  I'm not expecting alot from tabloids, but maybe it is time to bring back "Bat Boy" or "Alien Baby" or maybe... just maybe... you might try reporting some actual news instead of publishing your diary entries about stalking people who don't contribute to society in a tangable way.

So, I am proposing a ten year shun on "Bradgelina" and Jen.  To clarify:  Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, and Angelina Jolie may appear in movies, TV, and publications.  But not together.  They must actually DO something to warrant individual recognition.  During said ten years I propose they all go their separate ways.  Brad can hang out with Clooney and make Oceans 34.  Jen can continue to romantic comedy her way into oblivion.  Angelina can continue her quest for world domination through adoption.  Once she actually assembles her "We Are The World" brood and conquers the world forcing all the population to get stupid looking tattoos and watch Tomb Raider until we bleed from the eyes and go brain dead, then you can put her back in the news.  Come to think of it, to shorten that scenario I could have just said we would all become Megan Fox.