Home Sweet Home

Just when you think your town is actually becoming somewhat sophisticated... you drive into town and are greeted by a sign that says,

Oktoberfest
September 28-29
Located on Main Street

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Do you have a "stylist"? That's what hair dressers call themselves. Much like stewardesses prefer to be called "flight attendants". It makes being a waitress on an airplane seem more important.

Well I have a stylist, and let me tell you sometimes it feels like a bigger commitment than I signed up for. I mean... I already have a girlfriend. However, every time I see Joy (my stylist) at the gym or at Jewel she is like, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. You haven't stopped by or called me." And the whole time she isn't looking me in the eye, she is looking at my hair to make sure it is the accurate length for the lapse in time I have been to see her. I just keep praying my hat is covering enough and that she doesn't notice the proverbial lipstick on my collar. That's right. I cheat on my stylist. And everyday of my life I try not to get caught.

It's a dangerous thing. When I go to see Joy, it is at a very nice "day spa"/"salon". You know, where everyone wears black and all the girls that cut hair wouldn't know their natural hair color if they saw it on a color chart. She knows my life story and I feel comfortable asking her opinion on my hair style. It's an all around good experience. But then I go to pay and it costs about thirty dollars once you put in the tip. So I don't feel I can sustain this relationship all the time. So I go slumming.

It feels so cheap when I do it. I go to the Hair Cuttery, and I don't care what girl I get. They all tell me to come back and give me their card, but I throw it away. They give me a ten dollar hair cut, and mostly I just want a trim. They try and make chit chat... "So what do you do for a living? Have you lived here long?" Yes! Yes! I've lived here all my life, just cut my hair and please, please don't tell anyone that I was here. Don't tell my stylist... I'll do anything.

And then when I go back to Joy there is awkwardness...
"So where have you been."
"Nowhere."
"Wow your neck line looks really good, did you do this yourself?"
"I don't want to talk about it."

She has to know. I don't know why she continues to see me. It's probably just for my money.

I got the weirdest girl yesterday at Hair Cuttery. I sat down and she asks, "Have you been swimming a lot this summer?" "No, not really." I reply. She says, "Oh, cause I can smell it in your hair." I didn't say anything. I didn't tell her I thought it was weird that her mutant power was to tell where a person has been by smelling their hair. I didn't tell her it was weird that she smelled my hair. I didn't tell her I was offended because I shampoo and condition everyday. And I didn't tell here that I hadn't showered yet that day. I just got my cheap cut, paid the lady and went on my way.

I have to break the cycle.

Multicultural

I never knew what mulicultural really meant until now. But sitting in my living room with Omar (a 31 year old man from Peru) watching him play along to the Pink Floyd DVD and chat in spanich online... I understand.

No I don't. This is kind of unnerving. We have very little to talk about.

Blues Not Like Jazz

This past weekend was the Chicago Jazz feastival. So my girlfriend wanted to go into the city because there was a certain big band she wanted to hear play. And I think to myself... that's awesome I love Jazz. Turns out I just forgot that I don't.

The word "Jazz" has been thrown around alot to discribe a lot of music that might be better described as "Jazzy". About ten minutes into the feastivus for the rest of us, I realized that what I meant to say is "I like Blues music." Blues music is the first steps to rock and roll. Jazz is people taking turns soloing. I forgot that Jazz music is kind of like what you hear when you go to a church that speaks in tongues. One person starts a prayer and then there are random people shouting jibberish really fast and sometimes they bleed over into someone elses jibberish.

Or maybe a better word picture would be when my friends and I used to go dancing in college. We would go to a bar called "Rocky's" for "Bad Music Thursdays". Since the music was funny 80's and early 90's music my friend's Adam, Matt, and I would stand in a triangle and we would all start out doing the same non-commital head bob dance that is popular with all white guys who can't dance. Then out of nowhere Adam would do the running man, then point to Matt who would do the sprinkler, then point to me who would do the shopping cart, then point to Adam who would do the worm, then point to Matt who would do the robot, then point to me who would pull my shirt over my head and run around the bar screaming.... actually I take it back. That is not a good picture at all.

And once the madness stopped you would hear a deep voice coming from the general direction of a bowling shirt saying, "That was our hit single Transgender cosmic pink constilation sandwich... Thank You."

Christmas In August

Last week we left our hero in staff meeting. This week...

Staff meeting was a little rough as we were evaluating my ministry. Everyone was down to business until flames came out of Stan's butt. Patti thought it was because he was naked from the waist down behind his desk. I knew it was the drugs.

The Living Christmas Tree... I mean Barn

We are starting rehearsals for this year's "Living Christmas Tree" which is not really that anymore. It is a Broadway style musical that requires us to build a barn inside our auditorium. I've been listening to the same Christmas CD for eight hours. I would be really excited about it (it is a fantastic musical) but I have a billion things to do. I be excited later.

Renew Your Prescription Every Two Years

If you read my archives in February of 2007 you will find a story of Laura, who works at Taco Bell. To recap, this girl has no eyebrows, looks like a Muppet cause her skin and lips are the same color, is tanned beyond all recognition, and has a look on her face that makes her look like she could star in a movie called "safety scissors." So Eric and I went to Taco Bell to get a... well.. a taco. And of course, I went inside because I will never go through the drive-up since Laura must be writing a book on screwing up my order and the psychological effects. And so when I get in line, sure enough, she is working the drive-up window. We exchange a look that I'm sure Lex Luther and Superman exchange when they see each other at a distance when they show up at the same parties. I whisper to Eric, "That's that girl that I blogged about. The one that hasn't got my order right since January!" Eric replies to me, "Wow, she is hot!"

I slapped him in the face.

I used to blog once a week

For all you long time bloggers out there:
Some time when you are bored (i.e. the server is down for 2 days) look over your archives. They are pretty interesting. Or you can look at my archives... they are spectacular.


Preaching to the choir:
If you can read this, I assume you are at least still interested in the blogging world. I was visiting my friends' links and noticed some bloggers haven't posted in many moons. If you do not respond to this post within thirty seconds of reading it, your link will be deleted, and your crush will never know that you really love them. Your lucky numbers are 56889, and 2.

These People Are Crazy:
Those of you that haven't listened to the podcast "These People Are Crazy" need to get a clue. If you don't have a clue, you could asks Blue for one. We haven't posted a podcast in forever. If you would like to hear more please leave comments on Tyler and Nick's blogs pestering them to podcast. Our goal is 50 comments on each blog. Not necessarily 50 people, but 50 comments, so feel free to leave 49 comments per blog. Ready Go!

My Pledge to You:
I pledge that I will at least think about blogging once a week. That is all.

How Long Can This Go On?

Writing this has been on my list of thing that I "Cannot Do" for awhile now for a number of reasons. But I'm just so sick of it.

I miss her.

I don't mean that this is a recent development. I mean I do miss her, and I have missed her the whole time. I have days that I barely think about it and days like today where I feel like I lost a huge piece of myself. I can feel my heart ache in my chest. How long can this go on?

I just feel like if I pretend long enough that it doesn't bother me that eventually it won't. Maybe she'd date someone else. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. But I pretend it doesn't bother me, cause I don't want to doubt my decision. It was the right decsion. Neither one of us was willing to budge... where can you go like that? So, if I'm not okay and confindent then that leaves room for doubt... and I would rather pretend than allow that. It would be easier if she would just learn to hate me. It's easier to deal with when you are angry. Blame me for giving up. Call me and tell me I'm a bastard. She called and wanted to keep trying, but if she couldn't fully trust me before, how could she now? If she kept one foot out cause she was afraid to get hurt before, how could she be fully in the relationship after this?

I talk about dating other people like it would be fun, but really it's just cheap fun to kill and bury hurt. It's not fun. I don't like being "out there". I'm angry cause she was so damn stubborn! But I could have given in. I was just sick of it. Why was I the one who always had to budge? Why couldn't I just continue and chalk it off to love. "Well, if you love someone, that's it... you just keep working." Is that true? Then why did we both need reasons? Why couldn't we both just do things for eachother because we asked? What was she so afraid of? I was afraid of being my mother: bitter toward my dad cause he never budged, so scared of something that he never expressed love like she did, scared cause he didn't know what he wanted. So, instead of bitter, I'm heart broken. And I have no one to blame but me. I stopped it. Why can't I stop this?

Can I say that? Can I feel like this? Can I believe in my decision and hurt this much? It must be possible, cause here I am. I told myself that someone else wouldn't take me for granted. That someone else would be easier. Together I was so frustrated and hurt that I felt like she kept a piece of herself from me and hid it. But now I have none. Which is better? I'm not sure.

All I know is that I'm not okay.

Surprise, Surprise

Some surprises are great.

"Oh, you didn't know... that's 70% off sir."

Some surprises are less than spectacular.

"Wait a minute... what's in this casserole?"

I just left the McDonald's drive-thru under the impression that I was leaving with a three dollar value meal featuring a double cheese burger, small fries, and medium coke. As I stuck my hand in the bad to eat the fries (those poor fries rarely make the journey home) I felt a packet of sauce. I retrieved the ticket and what was in my possession was a six dollar value meal built around a ten piece nugget and large everything. Great surprise? The only sauce was BBQ.

Any Dick, Jane, or Sally can tell you the only proper sauce to dip McNuggets in is Sweet and Sour sauce. Chicken Selects... sure... get the BBQ sauce or the gourmet honey mustard. But McNuggets are barely chicken and then should only be paired with S&S sauce.

The quality of this surprise is still under speculation.


BTW : There have been some conserns raised about my new template. Is anyone else having problems reading it besides people with Mac's or IBM's made in 1994? It should be a photo on the left and the text should be over black space on the right.

Vacation Days

What should I spend my vacation days on? Lately, I've been trying to get down to Hannibal to visit a family I know there. Every time I bring it up my Dad/Boss says stuff like, "Well, if you work this day you can take 'compensation time' and you don't have to waste your vacation days." When, lets be honest, if I actually took all my 'comp' time nothing would get done.

My vacation days are pretty consistent. Out 14 days (only two can be Sundays) I take 5 to visit my friend Jeff and go snow boarding on the East Coast. I take 2 at Christmas time to go to a hotel with my family.... and that's it. So I have 1 Sunday and 6 days. I would love to go sit on a beach somewhere, but that's not so "awesome" alone. And any snowboarding I do is usually in January - March or I just do with my normal days off during the week. So I still have a week to blow this year. I thought about just going to where ever Southwest Airlines was running a special.

Any suggestions?

Why Not Having Friends Is Expensive

I was taking my parents to the airport this morning at 6AM!!!! and I saw a taxi at the airport that was advertising Aurora to O'Hare $100. I thought that it was almost worth the $100 as I was falling asleep at the wheel. Just think about it. Sometimes having friends is emotionally taxing. Especially when they "bring the drama." But you might consider the financial aspect.

Rides to the airport.
Do you want to hire a taxi or a limo to go to and from the airport in Chicago traffic?

One word: Trucks
Let's face it, if you own a truck, any truck, you are the number one friend of anyone who needs furniture moved. No one wants to pay for a budget truck.

Pizza.
Yes I would like to split a pizza cause after college pizza costs $20 for a small.

Strippers
....

Rent
Living by yourself is expensive.

Also, none of the above things and many others are fun by yourself. Everyone should have a friend that isn't a narc.

Are you a narc?