I have always wanted to write a book. Mostly, I feel like I make a lot of observations about the world and they are the kind of things that are boring to listen to someone prattle on about, but when you read them you say, "hmmm... I never thought about that." Then you prattle on about them to someone else. This is one of those such topics.
A Lost Art: Gifting.
I have observed recently that in an attempt at social comfort we have lost some of the social graces that made everything about those encounters... complete. For instance, when a friend has wronged you and they apologize, the response that you give to that humble act is, "Don't worry about it. It is nothing. It's not a big deal. Forget about it." and my personal favorite, "It's okay." This is done obviously to try to relieve the weight and magnitude of the climate and make your friend feel less guilty. However, what really has happened is that one friend humbled themselves to apologize for an act that was a big enough "deal" that it merited an apology and what they receive for their efforts is... Nothing. In fact, less than nothing. They receive a lie that says, "you didn't even have to apologize, because I didn't care." No forgiveness. No absolution. No closure. Incomplete.
And since it is Christmas time, I've been reflecting on the social graces involved in gift giving. Not just Christmas gifts, but gift giving in general. You see, I believe that more often than not people are better gift givers than gift receivers. And sometimes for no other reason that no one has taught them the proper way to receive a gift.
When you were about six or seven you started to loose the innocence of receiving gifts. Your parents brace you for the fact that some of those brightly wrapped gifts under the tree are socks and underwear. And they teach you that when you open them to say, "Wow! Thanks! I really need these!" Let's just be honest. Regardless of whether you did or did not need those, you would have pretended none the less. This training continues into the teen years when you learn about receipts, exchanges, and re-gifting. All of which are not exactly good gifting habits, but seem necessary. And somewhere along the way we loose what the true art of "Gifting" is.
I could write about this forever, but let me share some quick tips for gifting with you.
1. Gift giving is more meaningful when it is not a holiday. Gifting out of thought rather than "obligation" is ten times the gift.
- "I was thinking about you yesterday and saw this and knew you would want it."
2. When receiving the gift make sure you honor the gift. Look for the "why" of the gift. And then speak it out.
- Your grandma makes you an ugly sweater, but it is because that is the best she can afford and she did it with her own time and effort. So you say, "Thank you Grandma, this must have taken you a long time to make."
3. Learn to recognize your obligation to the gift. You are under no obligation but to honor the gift. A gift that is "repaid" is not a gift, but a loan. To "repay" someone's gift out of obligation is to unmake the gift and turn it into something less and cheap.
- If someone pays for dinner say "thank you". Don't keep track, don't get them a gift that is of equal value. Just give back to them out of your generosity. You might pick up the tap at McDonald's and they might pick it up at LoanStar twice. Say "thank you". Complete.
4. Don't expect something back from your own generosity. Not even a "thank you." Giving with expectation is not a gift, but a "payment."
- You will find you are less disappointed with gifting when you expect nothing in return for your gift.
These are just some quit tips, but the reality is that we have to shed the feelings of obligation and guilt involved with gift giving. Don't feel guilty because someone got you a Christmas gift and you didn't get them anything... Thank them for the gift. Honor their generosity, don't cheapen it. And don't throw away the joy of the gift because you feel guilty.
May you have a generous New Year.
A Lost Art
Uncle Luc... Awkward?
My niece Kiera was born Dec 11th at 2:05 AM. Allow me to share the not so magical parts...
- People ask me if she is beautiful or cute or what does she look like?: I only saw her when she was fresh from the womb. What do I say? "Well, she is kind of wrinkly and purple and crying and squinty.
- I find it weird that everyone wants to know her "stats". I considered making her own baseball card. Kiera Cathryn Motley: 18 inches tall, weighing in at 5lbs 11ounces, with a life-time era of...
- Christy went into the hospital having mild "clenching contractions" not "pushing contractions." So they put her on pain meds expecting more painful contractions. Those never came and they decided to C-section. So they numbed her and put her under. All in all, I was disappointed with the whole "...women's threshold for pain at childbirth..." thing. Christy is slightly sore from the surgery... no other pain.
- Since now my brother has both married and had a child (a girl no less) my parents seem more expectant that I would "catch-up" and get married SOON! As proud as I am to be an uncle, I don't feel like my biological clock is ticking and I will marry when I am ready. But the extra pressure is annoying.
However, none of these things take away from the fact that I have a beautiful baby niece and I look forward to teaching her what no one else in the family can teach her. Style and good taste.
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Today I find my self in a festive mood. Usually at this time of year, I am snapping at everyone and displaying a rather Ba-Hum-Bug attitude. Ever since I was born Christmas time has started in July and ended in January. In Fisher and Plano my mother was the director of the Living Christmas Tree. (for those of you that have never seen one, it is a giant Christmas tree shaped apparatus that holds a choir on risers built into the tree. And so, since I was able to crawl I have been singing, acting, preparing, running tech, and finally overseeing this enterprise. We've gotten pretty good at it. We do six shows and sell them out at 300 seats a show totaling 1800 tickets sold per year.
But in order to put on said performance, the choir starts practicing in September. For the choir to practice they have to have their books and tapes/CDs by August and that means preparations begin in July. So I have had to listen to Christmas music 5 months out of year almost every year. This year we took a break and didn't do the tree.
This is the first time, in long time, that I am really excited about Christmas. And today I caught myself sing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" as I was working.
So if I don't see you this Christmas... May the blessings of Christ Jesus be with you as you celebrate the day of the Christ Mass.
Creatures of Habit...
This is a blog about garbage.
Actually it is about my garbage can. See, in our kitchen we have a very slick looking garbage can. I'm not quite sure why, maybe it is all the testosterone coursing through my veins, but I have always wanted a stainless steel garbage can. So, when I moved back north, I bought one. It currently resides in the kitchen and looks really shiny. The best part is that this bullet can has a foot pedal that lifts the lid of the can. I made sure it had this feature, not because it is handy, although it is handy when you are scraping leftover Chinese food into it, but because of a deep seeded reason in my childhood.
When this garbage can pedal was first invented my grandpa (who as a small child I considered the richest man I knew because he would give us five dollars in quarters) had one and I thought it was the coolest thing ever!!! I would just stand there and stomp on the pedal and make the garbage can lid lift up and down like a puppet mouth. I would pretend the garbage can was speaking to me, not that I still do that...
All that to say, now that I have a garbage can with a pedal I have picked up some rather strange habits. I went into the garage the other day to throw some cans in the recycling bin and stomped on the ground three times before I remembered this particular bin does not open with a pedal. I got so mad! I was outraged because my hands were full. And as I reflected I realized that lately I have been annoyed each time I go to someone's house and have to (God forbid) lift the lid to the garbage. Not only that, but if you watch me approach a garbage can, while you are checking out my butt, slide a little to the south and look at my feet. My right foot will be right where the pedal would have been... positioning me closer to the can than I would naturally be. It is almost as if I have developed an "I'm throwing this away" stance where my right foot has to touch the can.
There seem to be a lot of things in our homes that we just assume work the same way in other peoples home. Or they are put away in the same cabinet, etc. I'm I the only one who does this?