Wii are Watching You

My wife and I were really excited by the new Wii Fit we received for Christmas. Our Wii has been the bridge in our marriage between the "Gamer" and his bride. So I immediately set it up, we loaded our Mii's and created our Fit profiles. We weighed in, set a goal, and then left for three days to visit my family.

When we returned we realized what Wii had done and what we had unleashed. The following is an actual conversation between myself and my Wii Trainer.

Wii: Hello Lucas. I haven't seen you in 3 days. You should really make working out a regular habit.

Lucas: Presses "A" button in shame

Wii: Well, now that it is the new year are you back because you have a resolution? Are you ready to get serious?

Lucas: Presses "A" button annoyed

Wii: Please step on the balancing board and let's mark your progress. Oh, it says here you have gained two pounds. Please select the reason for this weight gain:
Not enough exercise Lack of commitment
I ate too much I'm Lazy
I'm constipated I'm not eating healthy
I broke my promise to the Wii trainer

Lucas: Presses "A" button without dignity

Wii: Oh, I see. Well you are going to have to try harder to meet your goal. Instead of playing balance games, why don't we do more aerobic exercises, this will burn more of your fat.

Lucas: Presses "A" button slightly unnerved

Wii: You know if you did these on a regular basis you would improve.
Your balance needs improvement.
Fight the fat!
Not bad, but maybe if you weren't gay you could do a proper jack knife.
I saw you eating that McDonalds in your office. That is going to cost you Fit Coins.
Please choose the reason you are worthless, fat and lazy.
Maybe you should buy our new game Wii -eating disorders.
Wii are everywhere.

Lucas: Presses "A" button in quiet desperation

I tell you, it has gotten to the point that I choose what and where I eat based on if I think the Wii is going to give my crap about it. By connecting it to the Internet, I have unleashed it. I buy junkfood in cash so there is no electronic fingerprint the Wii can trace. I work hard all day and have to come home to the TV turning itself on and the Wii trainer with his smug little pony tail saying...

The Wii has ended this blog post.

Certainty

At my job we have a saying, "People are more important than programs." But programming is a lot easier.

Yesterday I arrived just in time to help the coroner carry out the body of my friend's dad. It was all very matter-of-fact. "Hey buddy can you help me with this?" It didn't dawn on me till half way down the icy steps what was inside of that bag on the stretcher. I would have come because of friendship, but I was there as a pastor. The difference is that the friend sits with the family, but the pastor speaks words of comfort and hugs EVERYONE knowing what to say. At least I think that is the case because that seems to be what the eyes of everyone in the kitchen were yearning for as they stared at me.

Questions seem to bubble to the surface as soon as you are semi-alone with the family members. "I just feel angry. Is that wrong?" "Are you certain where my Dad is now?" In that moment you want to be able to just say anything to make them feel better. But what about truth? So you try to do both and it just comes out awkward. So you just listen as they corner you one at a time while everyone else hustles around trying to find something to do. Something to fix. Something that will make it seem like they are making this better.

That is the most frustrating thing about death. You can't fix anything. You can't fix the deceased. You can't EXPLAIN to the family that what they are feeling will get better. I can contribute though. I wrote the sermon for funeral last night. Words that seems trite compared to what is going on in their hearts. The hope of Christ is the only thing that shields us from death, but experiencing that love is different than saying that to a room full of people that may or may not even have the slightest idea what it is.

I just want to be there for my friend.

Juvenile

Juvenile. One of those things that are a secret, but not really a secret is that grown-ups are just kids with money and drivers licences. It is one of the things that everyone really knows, but it says in the background and is never acknowledged. But every once in awhile you let that little, immature child peek out. Other times you let it run wild soaring on wings like eagles.

Thursday I took off a day of work because at midnight (Wednesday night/Thursday morning) a video game was being released to the public. At first my friends and I would say, "I'm not going to the midnight release because I have a life... I'm not that much of a nerd... I'm a grown-up." But that didn't last very long, because we realized how few times we have a chance to really let our inner nerdy child run wild. So we saw the opportunity and we seized it. It was not beneficial to our health, our career, or the general well-being of all mankind. But it was fun.

Then after the deed was done, we gathered ourselves up, showered the night and day from our bodies and resolved ourselves to joining the rest of civilized society. We parted ways with the understanding that we would never speak of these things until the next gathering. As we grow older, I would encourage you not to skip these weekend flings with your closest childhood friend... your own inner child.

Politics

"If it ain't broke don't fix it" is the campaign slogan of the lazy and mediocre.

Extortion

As I watched the clerk across the counter pick up the scanner and swipe it across my choices in a motion he had obviously done enough that it had become a reflex, I found my mind drifting into wondering what the life of a thirty year old video clerk would be like. I didn't really get past the stack of pizza boxes in my mother's basement when I was yanked from my fantasy by my total flashing on the screen. Five dollars to rent a movie! Really! The clerk, not knowing if I was paying attention or maybe he was just used to the shocked expression, repeated my total. Immediately I went rigid with self-control because my first inclination was to reach over the counter a slap him. I could see it clearly in my head...

"It's 9.98."

SMACK

"I'm sorry, what was the total again?"

I have since decided that I could not, in good conscious, be a thirty year old video clerk.

Tenuous

Recently, I have been trying as hard as I can to become informed about what is going on in the USA and abroad. It is an election year which means I have to catch up on four years of politics so I can not pay attention for an other four in hopes that the man elected will not share my distractions. But recently, there is a sense of urgency in my learning. I have discovered the sad state of affairs that our country is in and have devised a plan of action. Which is why I have decided to run for President. I think that is a good starting place, but I actually don't think that is enough power to set the world right. Maybe I will work for MTV... that might have more influence.

What is really funny is all the things lately that people think will effect my relationship with them. The conversation started with my wife telling me "Don't worry!" she would not ask me who I was voting for. I replied "McCain" before she finished her sentence. I don't believe a married couple should agree on everything, but they shouldn't hide anything. She is "undecided" but I couldn't care less who she voted for. Okay that is not true, but it wouldn't come between our marriage. Everyone gets an opinion and lately voting is picking the lesser of two (not evils) less than inspiring leaders. I'm curious how this goes down in other households.

Soft

I have never considered myself a people pleaser or a peace keeper. In high school my personal manifesto was "Screw you, I'm doing what I want to do." In college, I had a reputation as being "kind of an @$$ until you got to know me better." I've never really cared a tremendous amount about fitting in. So, why is it that I so desperately yearn for my niece to like me!?!

My niece is the most beautiful little girl in the whole world right now. She is smart and cute and really really tiny for her age. But she is so darn fickle, and it drives me up the wall. One day she will shout "uncla ewck" which is suppose to be "uncle Luc" and point and me wanting to play. We will sing songs and make faces at each other. This past weekend we went to the pumpkin farm and walked around together touching every pumpkin and saying the word. I find such fulfillment in the short time I spend with her.

Then there are days where she is scared of me and wants nothing to do with me. No kisses, no hugs, and no fun with Uncle Luc. It makes me so frustrated. Not only her bi-polar love, but the fact that I care so much about my brother's daughter.

Rite

Some of you are familiar with the tragic saga that is my brother. For those of you who are not... it is pretty tragic. The relationship between us can be summarized as thus: He does whatever is convenient for him in that moment, I try to do what is best. To an outsider this may look to be abusive. For us, it is tradition. It is not that he intends to hurt me, he just doesn't even consider the consequences to myself or any other person as long as it benefit's him. This seems like a cruel fate to have your own blood be poison, but it really has had a strange side effect.

I can't count how many times in one day I hear people say, "It shouldn't work like that" or "They shouldn't be like that." And I just tilt my head slightly, look them dead in the eye and say, "Why wouldn't it be like that?"

I think most people through tradition or perception can formulate an idea of how things "should be" in this world. Some even have a heightened sense of right and wrong. These people have a lot of rage. Because the world doesn't really work the way it should. But at some point, don't we incorporate that into our world view?

For example: Some one who is self-absorbed won't shut up about their new outfit long enough to ask you why you are in a bad mood. This makes you even more angry. You say, "I can't believe he/she didn't notice!" And I would say to you, "That person is self-absorbed, why would you expect them not to be self-absorbed today?"

So the side effect is that when I see situations and relationships I look at them from start to finish and see people for what they are. When you see someone for who they are, compassion sometimes replaces anger. Why wouldn't that person try to take advantage when they have been scammed their whole life? Of coarse she is fake, she has no friends and doesn't know how to be a friend. He is a jerk, he was yesterday and unless something changes, he will be one tomorrow... so why would that surprise or anger you?

The important thing is what we do in reaction. Because lets be honest most people won't change because someone gets angry with them. You can't make them see how much they hurt you. Even if the world comes crashing down around them they will never say, "Wow, (your name) was right!" There will never be any satisfaction through other people. So... can I do what is right, not for any other reason or person accept me? Can I do what is right even if it means I get trampled? If I comment back, if I get revenge, if I cut that person out of my life... what or who does that make me?

Predestined

I'm somewhere in between "it drives me crazy" and "actually it is kind of helpful."

Most guys that I know have a duck tale. I don't mean that fabulous show with the catchy theme song that I may or may not know all the words to... and you do too. And I don't mean an actually tale either. On our hairlines, there is this place where stupid meets annoying. It's formation is a mystery. On the even line or nice curve that our barbers and beauticians sculpt our hair into there is the piece that juts out ever so slightly and forms a reverse tear drop that I think looks like the tale of a duck. Some men are even blessed enough to have "the pitch fork" where the duck tale is flanked on both sides by two thick stripes of neck hair that grow down toward the shoulder blades.

(Lets pause for the ladies to throw up a little in their mouths)

So my question is... are we fighting nature here guys? Are we all really suppose to be jocking the rat tail? Socially the rat-tail is usually a badge that says, "Yes... I live in a trailer... it's a double-wide." But what if they are just not fighting it anymore? What if this is our destiny?

Curency

For all of the toys that I own and the vast supply of high-tech equipment I operate (and love) on a daily basis, sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong century.

In this season, the harvest season, the feeling is more prevalent. Men are working their land, bringing in the crops to sell for a fair price. Store some, use some for feed, and sell the rest to a country that can't decide if they want to eat it, smoke it, or use it for gas. Today, it is magnified I think by the state the economy is in. Farming seems like a simpler existence. It is timeless. Man toils with the earth to provide. I love reading books about a land in the time of kings and queens. Life was hard, but people worked the land and everyone contributed to the life of the village. If they were strong and diligent they celebrated living one more year.

Now it seems that the whole infrastructure and economy of, not only our country, but the world is being decided by imaginary money (credit) wielded by people who would have probably died in week one on the Oregon Trail. From what I can discern of this mess, which is not much, is that men in suits who deal in imaginary money made some poor calls. This means the government has to take our real money, money we earned, and give it to the men in suits and hope they decide to give loans again... to who? Us. The people who just gave our taxes to them. All in hopes that men will continue to trade pieces of businesses that none of them have ever worked at. I saw today that the market was doing good, until someone overheard the president of some financial institution say he was "thinking" about doing something, and the stocks plunged. Now people are going to get laid off because some guy was just "thinking" about making a decision.

To me, the solution to this is simple. We have to many worthless people making million dollar salaries screwing up our economy with their pretend money. If this was a simpler time, these people would actually have to contribute to society (make something of use), serve in an army, or starve in the winter. Some of the down falls of an increase in medical advances and the "sophistication" of our country is that the weak and crooked ones aren't being weeded out of the herd.

P.S. I know the whole country is going down the tubes, but I just bought gas for $3.20.

Now that is sexy.