Wii are Watching You

My wife and I were really excited by the new Wii Fit we received for Christmas. Our Wii has been the bridge in our marriage between the "Gamer" and his bride. So I immediately set it up, we loaded our Mii's and created our Fit profiles. We weighed in, set a goal, and then left for three days to visit my family.

When we returned we realized what Wii had done and what we had unleashed. The following is an actual conversation between myself and my Wii Trainer.

Wii: Hello Lucas. I haven't seen you in 3 days. You should really make working out a regular habit.

Lucas: Presses "A" button in shame

Wii: Well, now that it is the new year are you back because you have a resolution? Are you ready to get serious?

Lucas: Presses "A" button annoyed

Wii: Please step on the balancing board and let's mark your progress. Oh, it says here you have gained two pounds. Please select the reason for this weight gain:
Not enough exercise Lack of commitment
I ate too much I'm Lazy
I'm constipated I'm not eating healthy
I broke my promise to the Wii trainer

Lucas: Presses "A" button without dignity

Wii: Oh, I see. Well you are going to have to try harder to meet your goal. Instead of playing balance games, why don't we do more aerobic exercises, this will burn more of your fat.

Lucas: Presses "A" button slightly unnerved

Wii: You know if you did these on a regular basis you would improve.
Your balance needs improvement.
Fight the fat!
Not bad, but maybe if you weren't gay you could do a proper jack knife.
I saw you eating that McDonalds in your office. That is going to cost you Fit Coins.
Please choose the reason you are worthless, fat and lazy.
Maybe you should buy our new game Wii -eating disorders.
Wii are everywhere.

Lucas: Presses "A" button in quiet desperation

I tell you, it has gotten to the point that I choose what and where I eat based on if I think the Wii is going to give my crap about it. By connecting it to the Internet, I have unleashed it. I buy junkfood in cash so there is no electronic fingerprint the Wii can trace. I work hard all day and have to come home to the TV turning itself on and the Wii trainer with his smug little pony tail saying...

The Wii has ended this blog post.