Why Rap Music Will Never Change The World

During times of global compasion brought on by a catastrophic event (i.e. Earthquakes, Tunami, Huricanes), one thing is certain; there will be a song.  There has to be a unifying music piece that is played in the background of the commercials for collectable coins, requests for donations to the Red Cross, and news channel montages.  The reason is that it isn't a disaster unless Hollywood says so.  Up until this point these songs have been power ballads or "singer/songwriter" sad piano songs.  Every once in awhile you will hear a reggae beat, an African choir, or an ignorant country song... but these are usually a mistake.  Not that we don't appreciate all the work U2, Greenday, and Sarah Mclachlan do, but I started to wonder why other genres aren't as successful.  The following is why pop and rap music will not unite us in our time of need...

1.  Most of the time the lyrics don't actually make sense.  Rap and Hip Hop are basically written in a sub-culture version of English that has a lot and I mean A LOT of pop culture references, but the message is unclear.

Drake - Girl You Know
I love your sushi roll, hotter than Wasabi,
i race for your love, shake and bake ricky bobby

I'm glad the girl already knows... I'm just not sure what it is she knows.  A song to unite the world must be written in a clear way that isn't contingent on seeing a movie that wasn't life changing to begin with.

2.  R&B and Rap music excels at being the anthems for parties even though many of things they are talking about... you wouldn't actually want to happen to you.  I will attempt to translate.

Ke$ha - Tick Tock
Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy,
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back


And now the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger

But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight Till we see the sunlight

What I can only assume from these lyrics, is that this girls idea of a perfect day consists of rising in the morning like a black man, having very little to no hygiene, being homeless, dating old wrinkly leather-skin men, having a professional destroy your stereo, and then getting your teeth kicked in until the sun comes up.  Then it must all stop as we can only assume the sun has mystical powers to end fighting (maybe she is a vampire).  My point being, I think it is time that we admit that these lyricists are more concerned with rhyming than actually producing content.  If you are going to write the next we are the world, you can be concerned with making a crappy rhyme like (I can't rhyme world with anything but curled, Dang).

3. The third reason is what I like to call the "Dance Factor".  The thing that rock ballads, reggae, sad piano, bad country, and gospel choir music all have in common is that you are suppose to sway to it.  A good world peace/disaster relief song is performed in front of workers with candles with hands in the air swaying back and forth at a leisurely pace.  Even when Rap music dazzles us with political lyrics like...

Kayne West - Forever
Old money, benjamin button, what!? nuttin

Now superbad chicks giving me Mclovin
You would think I ran the world like Michelle’s husband (Obama Reference)

Lil Wayne - Down
Indefinitely, not probably
And honestly I'm down like the economy

... you still want to dance to it.  You can't have a nationally televised concert where everyone is crumping and the workers are sexing eachother up.  Bump and grind is not really inspiring.  Well... it is, but not in the "World Peacey" way.