As our relationship progresses, I find that I need to start writing down some things to remember. Charissa and I are not even married yet, but I'm fairly certain I could fill a book with the things I can do to push her buttons.
Sample Chapters will include:
Pet Names I shouldn't call her - Charizard, Clarissa, Charissa Ho-land
Places Not To Touch - Armpits, elbows, ears
Single Words That Make Her Skin Crawl - Mesquito, Bacon, Moist
Topics To Avoid - Warcraft, Video Games, Video Games, Video Games
I've honned my craft to a fine art.
Excerpts from 101 Ways to Annoy Your Wife
Just wondering...
Does anyone know why our government doesn't actually make money?
I'm only 27, so I haven't been following politics closely till a few years ago so I'd just like to know if there is some law against it or something.
For example the state of Illinois has the lottery. The state of Illinois has a business that generates money for the State. Obviously the system is full of corruption, but I didn't know if the government can or does do that on a federal or national level to make money, or if their ONLY source of income is taxation.
The reason I ask, is that I hear a lot about how candidates and congressmen would use the money we have, but not anything about making new money somewhere. Is that too Communist? Government businesses?
Don't Give Up The Dream
I haven't eaten for 36 hours.
All I want is a piece of toast. After being deathly ill and I'm pretty sure I threw up pieces of my own spine... I can have solid foods. All I want is just one little piece of toast. I have the bread. It is in my hand. Oh sweet Lord, it is even cinnamon raisin toast.
I can't find the toaster. In my house it just sits on the counter. My parents either hide their toaster somewhere in their bathroom, or I have moved into some insane world where they buy a kind of bread that is specifically made to be toasted, but don't have a toaster.
I haven't eaten for 37 hours.
This is nuts. I just saw my mom make toast the other day. Where is the toaster?!? Where do they keep it?!? I am so frantic, I checked the crisper drawer in the fridge and their bedroom. Who do I have to strap to a chair and question?!? Do they take it with them to work? Is it in the shop? Everything is turned around. For a year and a half I have gotten used to where I put things and now I can't find the toaster. What kind of sick joke is this?
...
My cereal was breathtaking, after I found the milk.
In Need Of Being Needy
In my line of work, you are more likely to help someone than to get helped by someone. Lately, I've had a slew of opportunities to clean up after other people's messes. Procrastinators, poor planners, and people that rely on the kindness of the church because they are such jerks they don't have any friends.
The worst part is that if you tell someone that you are not going to clean up their mess, it is not going to be an epiphany for them. They didn't get this far in life by being introspective. You are just going to end up being the bad guy. And usually when I reach my breaking point I hear this annoying voice in my head saying, "Do you love me... then feed my lambs."
Last night I just went to bed wondering when someone was going to do something for me with no strings attached.
This morning I woke up and remembered the Cubs tickets I was given and I walked out of my room to find that all my laundry was done by my dad and my mom made be breakfast...