Push It by Salt-N-Pepa
Love Shack by The B52's
Hey Yeah by Outcast
Rappers Delight by The Sugar Hill Gang
Don't Stop Til You get Enough by Michael Jackson
Funkey Cold Medina by Tone Loc
Whoomp! (There It Is) by Tag Team
Super Freak by Rick James
Respect by Aretha Franklin
No Diggity by Blackstreet
Things That Make You go Hmmmm by C&C Music Factory
Dreamlover by Mariah Carey
Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung
Faded by Souldecision
Dance to the Music by Slay and the Family Stone
Baby Got Back by Sir Mix A Lot
Smooth by Santana
Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden
Addicted To Love by Robert Palmer
She Bangs by Ricky Martin
More to follow. Oh man. I've been laughing so hard writing this list that my face hurts.
Wedding Reception Playlist Update
The Prologue
There are two kinds of us.
Some of are all business. When you are telling us a story we are listening, but we are still screaming "What is the point! Get to the point!" When we are here to work, we work. When we sit down to a meal we eat with the speed and efficiency of marines in boot camp so that we can move on to what is next. You know us. It is not enough to get to our destination, we need to "make good time."
Some of us savor. And the Lord spoke saying, "You will know them by their lateness." The world moves a little slower. They stop working to talk to whomever for whatever reason. They are the last ones finished with their meals because they are talking and dessert is a requirement more than an option. And it is not enough to get to our destination, we need to take the most beautiful route.
It used to take me 3 to 4 months to read a book. I would construct detailed images of each character no matter how small their role in the plot is. I would often reread chapters to have a better understanding of the minor sub-plots while looking for holes in the logic of science fiction books. I would take the words on the page, roll them around on my tongue, and I wouldn't dare swallow until I had sucked all the flavour out of each syllable.
Now it takes me 3 to 4 days to demolish a book. The characters have no faces and the language has no taste. My driving force is to find out what happens as fast as I can, because whether or not I can see these fictitious faces, I know that every time I put the book down their conflict hasn't been resolved. I'm more concerned with what happens rather than who it happens to. Unfortunately, these days books don't end. There is no "and they lived happily ever after..." Every author wants to write the sequel so we have to leave the characters unresolved. They want to be the next Bourne Identity or the next Harry Potter. So readers like me just gorge themselves digesting page after page until we finish the book. Then the prologue is just the empty feeling of coming down off a high and wondering where are we going to get our next fix.
So... read any good books lately?
On Customer Service...
So would you pay more for a product if the customer service was better?
Wal-Mart: I went to the mecca of Midwestern society to pick up a bike since Charissa and I are beginning to explore this "playing outside" stuff. After I found one that suited my needs I was faced with a problem. I couldn't get it down. So I asked the nearest "associate" to help me. He didn't work in that area, but would get someone to help. After waiting fifteen minutes, I asked a very chipper young lady to page someone, but she was just getting off work. She paged someone anyway before leaving the store and my life forever. After an other fifteen minutes I decided to track down my next wall to talk to. I found the sporting goods guy at the hunting desk. His response to my asking for help was "Man, am I the only one in the store?!" Sorry to inconvenience you to help me with a purchase in your department. Sheesh.
On the other hand...
Menards: After we pedaled up hill into the wind for an hour, and I remembered why it was that I first bought a car... Charissa and I visited Menards for a bike chain to protect our new investments. We walked in the door, found a worker in the patio furniture department and asked him where the bike chains were. To my shock and awe, he drops what he is doing and walks us over to the bike chains, points out the assortment and the person who works in that department if we had anymore questions. And he isn't just a cool guy. It is store policy that EVERY worker must stop what they are doing and not leave your side until you find what you are looking for or pass you off to someone who knows. Wow.
I find it really sad that we are living in an era or maybe just an area where the people who are there to help you actually being helpful... is shocking. To me that sets you apart as a business. I will always shop at Menards over Lowes or Home Depot because of this policy. This is also why I will never purchase anything from Abercrombie. They instruct their workers to act better than the customer and seem inconvenienced if you disrupt their folding. What a crazy way to do business.
Non-miricles Of Science
So the buzz on the Internet right now is a man named Thomas Beatie. Thomas claims he is pregnant. Not only is he claiming it, but it has been confirmed that he is, in fact, beginning his third trimester. I watched news clips of people calling it a hoax and others claiming they wanted proof. And, of coarse, Oprah brought Thomas and his partner on TV to talk about how hard it is to find maternity clothes for men. Some are calling it a miracle of science. Really?
If you listen or read carefully you will find that this is NOT A MAN. Thomas was born a woman. She had her breast tissue removed, her glands removed, and managed to grow a slightly white trash beard with the help of "man pills." However, she opted not to "adjust" her reproductive organs.
What a medical miracle!!! You mean to tell me that a woman with small breasts and facial hair artificially inseminated herself? It would have been a real miracle if she got pregnant naturally. Seriously people... she has a womb. Pardon me if I don't think that it is a dazzling scientific highlight of the new millennium. I can't believe this wo-man has the "balls" to parade around saying that she is a man. She has none of the male reproductive organs or even poor attempts to mimic them. I think the only thing this goes to show is that you can have all the surgery in the world... it doesn't change who you are.
I tell you what I really want to do is dress up a pregnant girl in a bird costume and plaster pictures all over the Internet of the "pregnant bird." Obviously a medical miracle. I think people might believe it. I kid you not a saw a woman interviewed who said, "I hope more men join this trend and become pregnant." WTF!
Click here to see this freak show.
Tales From The Retreat (Part 1)
Being a man in a land of women is not nearly as provocative as it sounds... but it is quite interesting. I feel like a scientist who goes to live with the gorillas in their natural habitat. At first, I observe from afar. Slowly, carefully, I establish trust through imitating their behavior. Once I have put on a spa robe and made my way to the waterhole, I approach and eventually earn my own pool chair... my own spot in the group. From here I can more closely observe these incredible creatures.
Points of Interest: The biggest losers are honored.
From weight loss to social circumstances, surely the "last shall be first and the least shall be the greatest." The first night at dinner a game was played called "I Never..." Unbeknownst to the planner of this event, "I Never..." is really a drinking game. So when it was announced that this was to be the entertainment for the evening I got a little nervous. When consuming alcohol this species is prone to violent mood swings, increase in verbal activity, and the uncontrollable desire to drunk dial or send unintelligible text messages. While in the company of "the group" I always fear that moment when they might project their feelings toward all men on to me and I will be beaten severely or worse, trapped in a teary conversation with an emotional woman. (personally, I much prefer the beating)
But I stayed for the sake of science and played the game with my table. After all, I had some trump cards to play. The game is played like this: I say, "I have never......" and everyone at your table that HAS done that thing gives you a candy heart. So you gain hearts by finding an activity that everyone HAS done but you HAVE NOT. You of course, lose hearts for doing activities that others have not. I didn't fully grasp the game until the end. I figured I would win because I stated "I have never.... worn a bra... had a period." I collected two hearts from every woman at that table, while their answers were met with mixed responses. However, I did not win. I gave away a lot of hearts because I had driven through Iowa, visited Canada, gone to college, etc.
That's when it hit me. As the winning member of the group lofted her prize above her head and the other women half celebrated, half coveted this woman I was baffled. For surely this woman knew that the reason she won was because she had the least life experiences in the group. The way to win this game and be celebrated by the rest of the group was to never go anywhere, don't try anything new, and know the least amount of people possible. It all came together. Women want to have less body mass, women with back problems call the small breasted ones "lucky", and they give prizes to women who never leave the house. Less is more... unless you mean jewelry, attention, or chocolate.
More to follow on my dangerous encounter with women.