Behold the Christmas Eagle Cometh!

I have decided that when Charissa and I have kids, that I'm going to adopt some parenting methods that are... well... let's call it "less than conventional." Allow me to give you an example.

You never really know if your kids are actually listening to you when you speak to them, so I'm going to teach my children to make a "listening face." This will, of course, be one of the most ridiculous faces I can come up with. So if they make this particular face I know they are listening to what I'm saying. This becomes more fun when we send them off to school. I imagine the first parent/teacher conference. "Little Billy makes this face when ever I am teaching." "That's my boy! Good listening skills!"

Another case came up on New Years Eve. Charissa and I went to the Brookfield Zoo, which is actually a lot of fun on New Years Eve. It is a festival of lights.... LAZER LIGHTS! That's right, after the magician who gains his powers from his magic beard is finished with this conjuring, you can see a laser light show. This may be the lamest thing I have ever seen. Its laser representations of bears playing saxophone, zebra's running through the plains of Africa, and hippos doing the Do Wop in the background. But at one point as the circus style music reached a crescendo, a giant eagle swooped down. And in the midst of my excitement I shouted into the crowd, "Look! It's the Christmas Eagle! God bless us, everyone!" And I'm not sure, but I could have sworn I heard a small child tugging on his mother's coat say, "Mom, what's the Christmas Eagle?"

And so, at my house there will be no Santa Clause. I will teach my children about the Christmas Eagle. If you are a bad little boy or girl the Christmas Eagle leaves dead mice and magical Christmas Eagle poo on your pillow at night. But if you are a good girl or boy, the Christmas Eagle swoops down into your room and bestows upon you a special Christmas blessing. He does this by chewing up the Christmas spirit and regurgitating it into the sleeping boys and girl’s mouths just as he would do to his own chicks. I might make a claymation video. Oh Christmas Eagle....