Observation, Hypothesis, experimentation

Over the last two weeks I have conducted an experiment. I grew a beard. This has in fact been the most itchy period of my life... far surpassing the great poison ivy catastrophe of 89' and leaving in the dust the narcissistic Nair incident of 01'. So far I have correctly followed the Scientific Method, as taught at the eighth grade level.

Problem -- I get carded at Wal-Mart buying compressed air and rated R movies. At the age of 24 (soon to be 25) I do not resemble someone of, or over, the age of 17.
Observation -- Hey that guy has a beard. He looks old. Old people can grow facial hair that prepubescent boys cannot. People associate beards with age and wisdom.
Hypothesis -- If I grow a beard, I will not look like a prepubescent boy. I will seem wise bed, bath, and beyond my years.
Experiment Notes -- My face itches.
Stills itches.
This is infuriating.
Formulated Theory -- Beards, while giving you an older look... Suck to grow.

I think this experiment has about run its course.