Juvenile

Juvenile. One of those things that are a secret, but not really a secret is that grown-ups are just kids with money and drivers licences. It is one of the things that everyone really knows, but it says in the background and is never acknowledged. But every once in awhile you let that little, immature child peek out. Other times you let it run wild soaring on wings like eagles.

Thursday I took off a day of work because at midnight (Wednesday night/Thursday morning) a video game was being released to the public. At first my friends and I would say, "I'm not going to the midnight release because I have a life... I'm not that much of a nerd... I'm a grown-up." But that didn't last very long, because we realized how few times we have a chance to really let our inner nerdy child run wild. So we saw the opportunity and we seized it. It was not beneficial to our health, our career, or the general well-being of all mankind. But it was fun.

Then after the deed was done, we gathered ourselves up, showered the night and day from our bodies and resolved ourselves to joining the rest of civilized society. We parted ways with the understanding that we would never speak of these things until the next gathering. As we grow older, I would encourage you not to skip these weekend flings with your closest childhood friend... your own inner child.

Politics

"If it ain't broke don't fix it" is the campaign slogan of the lazy and mediocre.

Extortion

As I watched the clerk across the counter pick up the scanner and swipe it across my choices in a motion he had obviously done enough that it had become a reflex, I found my mind drifting into wondering what the life of a thirty year old video clerk would be like. I didn't really get past the stack of pizza boxes in my mother's basement when I was yanked from my fantasy by my total flashing on the screen. Five dollars to rent a movie! Really! The clerk, not knowing if I was paying attention or maybe he was just used to the shocked expression, repeated my total. Immediately I went rigid with self-control because my first inclination was to reach over the counter a slap him. I could see it clearly in my head...

"It's 9.98."

SMACK

"I'm sorry, what was the total again?"

I have since decided that I could not, in good conscious, be a thirty year old video clerk.

Tenuous

Recently, I have been trying as hard as I can to become informed about what is going on in the USA and abroad. It is an election year which means I have to catch up on four years of politics so I can not pay attention for an other four in hopes that the man elected will not share my distractions. But recently, there is a sense of urgency in my learning. I have discovered the sad state of affairs that our country is in and have devised a plan of action. Which is why I have decided to run for President. I think that is a good starting place, but I actually don't think that is enough power to set the world right. Maybe I will work for MTV... that might have more influence.

What is really funny is all the things lately that people think will effect my relationship with them. The conversation started with my wife telling me "Don't worry!" she would not ask me who I was voting for. I replied "McCain" before she finished her sentence. I don't believe a married couple should agree on everything, but they shouldn't hide anything. She is "undecided" but I couldn't care less who she voted for. Okay that is not true, but it wouldn't come between our marriage. Everyone gets an opinion and lately voting is picking the lesser of two (not evils) less than inspiring leaders. I'm curious how this goes down in other households.

Soft

I have never considered myself a people pleaser or a peace keeper. In high school my personal manifesto was "Screw you, I'm doing what I want to do." In college, I had a reputation as being "kind of an @$$ until you got to know me better." I've never really cared a tremendous amount about fitting in. So, why is it that I so desperately yearn for my niece to like me!?!

My niece is the most beautiful little girl in the whole world right now. She is smart and cute and really really tiny for her age. But she is so darn fickle, and it drives me up the wall. One day she will shout "uncla ewck" which is suppose to be "uncle Luc" and point and me wanting to play. We will sing songs and make faces at each other. This past weekend we went to the pumpkin farm and walked around together touching every pumpkin and saying the word. I find such fulfillment in the short time I spend with her.

Then there are days where she is scared of me and wants nothing to do with me. No kisses, no hugs, and no fun with Uncle Luc. It makes me so frustrated. Not only her bi-polar love, but the fact that I care so much about my brother's daughter.

Rite

Some of you are familiar with the tragic saga that is my brother. For those of you who are not... it is pretty tragic. The relationship between us can be summarized as thus: He does whatever is convenient for him in that moment, I try to do what is best. To an outsider this may look to be abusive. For us, it is tradition. It is not that he intends to hurt me, he just doesn't even consider the consequences to myself or any other person as long as it benefit's him. This seems like a cruel fate to have your own blood be poison, but it really has had a strange side effect.

I can't count how many times in one day I hear people say, "It shouldn't work like that" or "They shouldn't be like that." And I just tilt my head slightly, look them dead in the eye and say, "Why wouldn't it be like that?"

I think most people through tradition or perception can formulate an idea of how things "should be" in this world. Some even have a heightened sense of right and wrong. These people have a lot of rage. Because the world doesn't really work the way it should. But at some point, don't we incorporate that into our world view?

For example: Some one who is self-absorbed won't shut up about their new outfit long enough to ask you why you are in a bad mood. This makes you even more angry. You say, "I can't believe he/she didn't notice!" And I would say to you, "That person is self-absorbed, why would you expect them not to be self-absorbed today?"

So the side effect is that when I see situations and relationships I look at them from start to finish and see people for what they are. When you see someone for who they are, compassion sometimes replaces anger. Why wouldn't that person try to take advantage when they have been scammed their whole life? Of coarse she is fake, she has no friends and doesn't know how to be a friend. He is a jerk, he was yesterday and unless something changes, he will be one tomorrow... so why would that surprise or anger you?

The important thing is what we do in reaction. Because lets be honest most people won't change because someone gets angry with them. You can't make them see how much they hurt you. Even if the world comes crashing down around them they will never say, "Wow, (your name) was right!" There will never be any satisfaction through other people. So... can I do what is right, not for any other reason or person accept me? Can I do what is right even if it means I get trampled? If I comment back, if I get revenge, if I cut that person out of my life... what or who does that make me?

Predestined

I'm somewhere in between "it drives me crazy" and "actually it is kind of helpful."

Most guys that I know have a duck tale. I don't mean that fabulous show with the catchy theme song that I may or may not know all the words to... and you do too. And I don't mean an actually tale either. On our hairlines, there is this place where stupid meets annoying. It's formation is a mystery. On the even line or nice curve that our barbers and beauticians sculpt our hair into there is the piece that juts out ever so slightly and forms a reverse tear drop that I think looks like the tale of a duck. Some men are even blessed enough to have "the pitch fork" where the duck tale is flanked on both sides by two thick stripes of neck hair that grow down toward the shoulder blades.

(Lets pause for the ladies to throw up a little in their mouths)

So my question is... are we fighting nature here guys? Are we all really suppose to be jocking the rat tail? Socially the rat-tail is usually a badge that says, "Yes... I live in a trailer... it's a double-wide." But what if they are just not fighting it anymore? What if this is our destiny?

Curency

For all of the toys that I own and the vast supply of high-tech equipment I operate (and love) on a daily basis, sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong century.

In this season, the harvest season, the feeling is more prevalent. Men are working their land, bringing in the crops to sell for a fair price. Store some, use some for feed, and sell the rest to a country that can't decide if they want to eat it, smoke it, or use it for gas. Today, it is magnified I think by the state the economy is in. Farming seems like a simpler existence. It is timeless. Man toils with the earth to provide. I love reading books about a land in the time of kings and queens. Life was hard, but people worked the land and everyone contributed to the life of the village. If they were strong and diligent they celebrated living one more year.

Now it seems that the whole infrastructure and economy of, not only our country, but the world is being decided by imaginary money (credit) wielded by people who would have probably died in week one on the Oregon Trail. From what I can discern of this mess, which is not much, is that men in suits who deal in imaginary money made some poor calls. This means the government has to take our real money, money we earned, and give it to the men in suits and hope they decide to give loans again... to who? Us. The people who just gave our taxes to them. All in hopes that men will continue to trade pieces of businesses that none of them have ever worked at. I saw today that the market was doing good, until someone overheard the president of some financial institution say he was "thinking" about doing something, and the stocks plunged. Now people are going to get laid off because some guy was just "thinking" about making a decision.

To me, the solution to this is simple. We have to many worthless people making million dollar salaries screwing up our economy with their pretend money. If this was a simpler time, these people would actually have to contribute to society (make something of use), serve in an army, or starve in the winter. Some of the down falls of an increase in medical advances and the "sophistication" of our country is that the weak and crooked ones aren't being weeded out of the herd.

P.S. I know the whole country is going down the tubes, but I just bought gas for $3.20.

Now that is sexy.

Preoccupation

If one were to go into a gas station to pay for their purchases and recognize that the pregnant attendent is an old aquantence, what do you say? "What have you been up to?" just doesn't seem appropriate.

Paradigm

During our Labor Day cookout, I thought I had a stroke of genius. But as it turns out, my brilliance will not be lauded through song for a thousand years.

Our neighbors have a litter of five kittens. So with children in attendance I decided it would be a great idea to introduce small mammals into the mix. You know, shake things up. Little did I know that placing the paws of the smallest, cutest, orange ball of fur on my rug broke the seventh seal and signaled the beginning of Armageddon.

The beginning of the end started with a siren like wail emanating from Maggie. She was so excited to see the kitten that she thought that the best thing she could do to express herself was run at break-neck speeds directly at it, point a tiny chubby little finger in its face, and scream "KITTY" over and over as loud and at as high a frequency as she could reach. Elisha's reaction (as typical of little boys) was to quietly approach and touch. And by touch I mean go for the throat.

So the violent scramble of children, was met with an equally quick rush of adults to restrain the children before I had to walk next door and politely explain "Um... we broke your kitten." Once the children realized they would not get to beat the kitten senseless to express their heart-felt love and excitement, the floods came and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth. In order to put out the fire, I decided gasoline was the best solution. So I got another kitten so each child could sit with their own kitten closely supervised. This prison visitation style of kitten love, was not well received. Maggie was inconsolable and refused to use an inside-voice while Elisha had to be restrained while he shouted at his mother "Don't taze me bro!"

The whole situation ended with Maggie going home, Elisha being distracted by something shiny, and the adults falling in love with the gray kitten while Nick traumatized the orange one by putting it inside his child's hollow bat. Once it realized the bat cave was a refuge, it stayed in the bat and took a nap, or fell into a stress related coma... I'm not sure.

I just marveled that at one point in my own early life, in response to the question "What should I do?" my decion making paradigm probably encluded such options as: cry, run at it and scream, pick it up by the neck, make as much noise as possible, crap in my pants, put it in my mouth, and sit on it. If only I still responded in the same way.

Click here to see what happened to Nick.