I will be taking a hiatus from blogging. I have an idea for a fictional book and it feels like it is just under my skin clawing it's way out. There is a constant buzz in the back of my head all day and I feel like I need to work with my wife to put it to paper. So I will not be blogging anymore to spend my writing energies on this project. I wish you all the best and will update when I can.
_The Underdog
Hiatus
Just So You Know
Just so you can't claim later in life that no one told you. Head-bands are not cool. They are not ironic or retro. There once was a time that someone would suppose that this tool to the right was just being silly. But since now people are serious about wearing these, don't chance it. You risk making the statement "I want to keep my ridiculous hair out of my face so that you can clearly see my face this super cool Facebook picture I took in my bathroom." Then again it is a great time saver when it comes to cataloging people. "Oh look honey that guy is wearing a headband, he must never want to succeed in life."
It is sad really because what was once a really cool Halloween costume is being ruined by (what I can only assume to be) aspiring time traveling aerobics instructors or ancient Romans who discovered blue jeans. Lovable hippies, toga goddesses, and Jazercise conventioneers are now no longer distinct. We are all wondering, "Is she going to a costume party and she will completer her outfit there, or is she blind and someone is playing a trick on her?"So don't be fooled by the catalogs. If you go outside with a headband to accessorize your skinny white jeans (Sorry, I had to go throw up) just know that the magazines are right that you will "get noticed". But it is not a good thing. It is just the universal sign that you are easily tricked into buying something that you should actually get paid to put. (Most likely in a five dollar dare.)
Dear People (the magazine)
Dear People Magazine, I'm just writing to let you know that we get it. All of us. Every last single person on this planet understands the facts. Once upon a time Brad Pit married Jennifer Aniston. Then they got divorced. Now he is with Angelina Jolie. Jennifer and Angelina don't like each other. Consider us brought up to date. Given the fact that it all happened over five years ago and you are STILL WRITING ABOUT IT.
No joke. I was buying groceries this week when I noticed the headline "Jennifer and Angeline Update". I think it was the first time in my life that I gasped out loud at a headline on a magazine rack. Not because the news of it was shocking, but once my brain processed the possibility that there might still be a single human being out there that cares about "Bradgelina," it shook me to my core. In fact, I have it on good authority that every lonely soccer mom and thirteen year old girl is arguing with their token gay friend about whether Bella should have puppies with Jacob or emo children with hairy belly buttons with Edward. (Don't pretend like I'm the only one that threw up a little when he opened his shirt.)
If you are a student of journalism and you are wondering how much information is too much information I present you with "Bradgelina". All of the drama in this particular love triangle happened in the year 2005. To put that in perspective, 2005 saw the trial of Saddam, the distruction of Katrina, and it was one year after the hit show Friends ended. But here we are, five years later allowing publications to lead with that headline. I don't feel like I'm out of line saying "You've got to be stupid if you are still talking about this. MOVE ON!" It would be like if tommorrow USA Today led with the front page headline "Obama... Still President". I'm not expecting alot from tabloids, but maybe it is time to bring back "Bat Boy" or "Alien Baby" or maybe... just maybe... you might try reporting some actual news instead of publishing your diary entries about stalking people who don't contribute to society in a tangable way.
So, I am proposing a ten year shun on "Bradgelina" and Jen. To clarify: Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, and Angelina Jolie may appear in movies, TV, and publications. But not together. They must actually DO something to warrant individual recognition. During said ten years I propose they all go their separate ways. Brad can hang out with Clooney and make Oceans 34. Jen can continue to romantic comedy her way into oblivion. Angelina can continue her quest for world domination through adoption. Once she actually assembles her "We Are The World" brood and conquers the world forcing all the population to get stupid looking tattoos and watch Tomb Raider until we bleed from the eyes and go brain dead, then you can put her back in the news. Come to think of it, to shorten that scenario I could have just said we would all become Megan Fox.