How Stupid Do I Think The American's Are? We Will Sell Them Water.

As Halloween quickly approaches I'm sure that women everywhere are scrambling for that fifty dollar scrap of cloth they pass for a costume and tools everywhere will do something unoriginal.  So I thought rather than writing my yearly blog about how stupid and fetish-based Halloween has become, I have decided to join the crowd.  So I have taken the time to recommend some costumes.(This will also be my first attempt at blogging with photos).

FOR MEN WHO LIKE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION BUT ARE NOT LEAVING THE PARTY WITH A WOMAN

This is also a good costume for the plus sized woman.  The husky gals who prefer comfort over style and want a costume with a built in bib.

"Isn't this hilarious?  Where are the nachos?"

FOR IMAGINARY COUPLES OF NERDS AND SUPERMODELS

This is a costume aimed at a small amount of the population that exists in the imaginations of nerds everywhere or Bill Gates who actually makes enough money to convince hot girls to dress up like action figures or video game characters.

"I'm talking to a girl on myspace that would totally be into this... no, I haven't met her in real life."

FOR WOMEN WHO WANT TO SCARE THE $^%# OUT OF US

Why settle for the obvious when you can dress like the wicked witch of the west impersonating an umpa lumpa.  It has all the creep factor of china dolls with the immoblity of a one inch skirt.

"Could someone prop me up against something... I can't sit down or bend in anyway."

FOR PLUS SIZED WOMEN OR ALCOHOLICS

Going to a party and you don't want to add to those extra pounds, or maybe you shouldn't be left alone with the peach schnapps... get the costumes that keeps you from touching anything or anyone.  Bring a friend in case you fall.

"Dang, I forgot to bring a straw."

FOR WOMEN WHO WANT AN STD

The hands are grabbing the boobs... we get it. 

"I kind of want to dress up for Halloween... but I also want to catch hepatitis in a trailer."

FOR MEN WHO HAVE AN OEDIPUS COMPLEX

This is funny because the guy who actually lives in his mother's basement and hangs out with her on the weekends is wearing a cooler costume than you.

"So you want to dance with my mother in between us?"

FOR MEN WHO WANT TO BE PUNCHED

This "ball and chain" costume is also perfect for married women with no self worth.

"Honey I'll wear this cotume when your bare chest looks like that."

FOR PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN AN ALL-WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD

Nacho Sombrero sold separately.  Bring a multi-ethnic slur to an otherwise classy part.

"I thought this was a great costume until the police gave me a brutal beating."

FOR MEN WHO ARE BOUND BY MEGAN'S LAW

Why go door to door and post flyers notifying the neighborhood that you are a repeat sex offender when this costume says it all.

"I had to go door to door anyway, might as well get some candy."