The F word... Family.

Seriously, sometimes I think I am just glutton for punishment.

I have always just assumed that brothers and sisters can not be friends. That has been the majority of my life experience. My mother's sister is a user, a stereotypical white-trash, pregnant at 15, live in a trailer, collecting disability after one day on the job user. My Dad's brothers and sister are selfish, contentious, and we barely know them. So when my brother and I decided that we wanted to be more than that, I thought we were going to defy the very laws of science.

Just recently my mother called me concerned that I had not asked my brother to be the Best-Man in my wedding. (I was the best man in his wedding) Not only that, but he did not even make the cut for usher. She said she was afraid I would hurt his feelings. And in that moment I had to explain to my mother that our plan (my brother and I) to be friends, as well as brothers, had failed miserably.

My whole life I have celebrated my brother's victories; large and small. I have supported him. When he asked me for advice over and over I patiently responded knowing he would do the exact opposite and tell my parents I agreed with him. I was there in his failures. I was there through his addictions. I have done a list of "favors" a mile long. The only thing I ever got in return is a loose loyalty that disappears as soon as it is inconvenient for him. He despises me. He never celebrates my victories. Every step I take that is positive, he views it as something that makes him look bad and he has no reservations about letting me know how "mediocre" my life and talents are.

And the truth is that almost all of my friends get along with their siblings. They have great, healthy, fun relationships with their brothers and/or sisters. They act like friends.

If my brother was not family I would never speak to him again. He is toxic. But he is family...