Kill IKEA vol 2

Last time on Kill IKEA vol 1...

I don't know what it is about IKEA. It is bright and shiney and the whole building shakes when you jump up and down on the floor. It is mystifying. And their low low prices... I mean forget about it. So I went to the Bollingbrook store to get my shelves, and surprise surprise... I couldn't get all the pieces I wanted. So I had to drive the extra hour to the Shaumburg store.

And then I saw bare chested women... but we'll get to that.

Now, everytime I go to IKEA I never know what is going to happen. Usually I learn something about life and the great questions of the universe. This trip I learned that I look like someone who works at IKEA. I don't know if I emanate some kind of wisdom vibe or if my aura is yellow and blue, but from the moment I walked in the door, I started to notice that other customers where staring at me. It looked like they wanted to come up and talk to me. I kept thinking I was running into people that I am suppose to know and couldn't remember their names. This happens a lot. But finally one couple worked up the courage to come and ask me, "Where can I get a small end table." My response was sad. "It is one floor up and next to the desks... but I don't work here." Then the flood gates opened.

This process repeated itself (I kid you not) at least ten times. The sad thing was I new where everything was. I even knew which bins items were in. But I would always tag my line "... but I don't work here." Like I thought they would tell their friends or something.

Then when I was done being a customer rep I saw something that made me uncomfortable, angry, and stupified all at once. I saw breasts. Not boobs. Breasts. I use the formal term and distinguish it because "they" (the breasts in question) where in the act of breast feeding. If you have ever been to IKEA you will know that along the central path of the store, there are little room modules set up so you can see the furniture in action. Some woman had just plopped down on a couch in the middle of the store and started breast feeding her child. No "cover up blanket" didn't try to hide anything. She was just "out there." I just wanted to walk up to her and say, "Excuse me, would you mind putting those things away, or there are blankets in that bin over there for $4. I'll buy you one if you use it." Women that breast feed are slightly distracting just because you know what is happening and it is a little gross. But at least find a place off the beaten path and cover up for God's sake if not mine. Why Why Why would you do that? I understand that the baby is hungry, buy why would you just open wide your shirt in the middle of a store and expose yourself. Of coarse this woman was sitting in the Mod I needed to look at to find the bin numbers for my selves... but I just left and found it by walking up and down the endless rows of bins. Gross.

........
Still Shivering.