Fantastic Fecal Medical Miricles

The secretary were I work has had a disease for the last year called Clostridium Difficile or "C. diff" for short. It is not a comfortable thing to live with because it is basically chronic tummy aches with perpetual diarrhea. Most strains can be cured with ten days of antibiotics. Worst case scenario, the antibiotics kill off all the bad bacteria in your intestines... but also the good bacteria that helps your body process your food. Now you are screwed.

In order to put the "good bacteria" back into your body you need a transplant... not of organs or blood, but of fecal matter... poop. That's right. You have to have a "healthy donor" take a crap in a bag at the hospital then they make you shove it up your nose, eat it, or well... forcefully put it were it belongs.

I believe the obvious question is "Who pioneered this modern miracle drug?" I truthfully don't know, but I imagine it was awkward the first time this was tried.

"Well sir, we can't seem to cure your diarrhea, but with all this technology at our disposal we think the best thing to do is to shove crap up your nose and hope for the best."

"That is disgusting!"

"Don't worry, it won't be YOUR fecal matter... Bob the intern here has volunteered to help out. Apparently, Bob has good solid bowel movements. Plus, he was in a fraternity and has excellent experience at pooping in a bag. At first, we considered asking that B#$%# in Pediatrics that won't go out with me to do it, because she things that her crap doesn't stink. However, she seems to think this procedure is grasping at straws. But we'll show her, won't we Mr. Johnson?"